A month in the life of the drug war A month in the life of the drug warby Kurt St. Angelo@2005 Libertarian Writers' BureauNear the end of my Libertarian campaign for Marion County Prosecutor in Indianapolis in 2002, I noted stories by news partners WTHR-TV Channel 13 (NBC) and the ... Addiction and Pornography * Effects on the brain and psyche. 1. Many people believe that images that we view are harmless, or that the only harm it inflicts is moral in nature. 2. Our brain is like a supper sophisticated computer, any image we take in stays with us and is forever ... Addiction to Talking The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.For other articles which you ...
Addiction to Self-Judgment
print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.
Addiction to Self-Judgment By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
"I'm such a jerk. How could I have said that?" "I'm a looser. I'll never get anywhere." "I'm so stupid. I should have learned this by now." "I don't fit in. I don't belong with these people." "I'll never be good enough. I'll never do it right enough." "I'm permanently emotionally damaged. I'll never be okay." "No one could love me. I'm not lovable."
.and so on and so on.
Are you aware of your self-judgments? Are you aware of how often you judge yourself as bad, wrong, or inadequate? Are you aware of how you end up feeling as a result of your self-judgments?
In my counseling work with people, I find that self-judgment is one of the major causes of fear, anger, anxiety and depression. Yet most people don't realize that these painful feelings are the result of their own thoughts, their own self-judgments. Most of the time, when I ask an anxious client why they are feeling anxious, they tell me that it's because of something that happened to them. They usually believe that an event or a person caused their anxiety. Yet when I ask them what they are thinking that might be causing their anxiety, they will tell me a self-judgment such as, "I'll never get this right," or they are projecting their own judgment onto me and telling themselves, "Margaret doesn't like me," or "Margaret is getting impatient with me." When they judge themselves or make up that I'm judging them, they get anxious. There is nothing actually happening that is causing their anxiety, other than their own thoughts.
Pointing out to them that they are causing their anxiety with their self-judgment doesn't not necessarily stop the judgment. This is because self-judgment is often an addiction. An addiction is a habitual behavior that is intended to protect against pain. What is the pain that self-judgment is intended to protect against?
Generally, the hope of self-judgment is to protect against rejection and failure. The false beliefs are that, "If I judge myself, then others won't judge me and reject me. I can be safe from others' judgment by judging myself first," or "If I judge myself, I can motivate myself to do things right and succeed. Then I will feel safe and be loved and accepted by others."
However, just as a child does far better in school with encouragement than with criticism, so do we as adults. Criticism tends to scare and immobilize us. Instead of motivating us, it often creates so much anxiety that we get frozen and become unable to take appropriate action for ourselves. More self-judgment follows the lack of action, which results in more anxiety and immobilization, until we create a situation where we are completely stuck and miserable.
The way out of this is to become aware of the feelings of fear, anxiety, anger or depression and then ask yourself, "What did I just tell myself that is creating this feeling?" Once you become aware of the self-judgment, you can then ask yourself, "Am I certain that what I am telling myself is true?" If you are not 100% certain that what you are telling yourself is true, you can ask your higher, wise self or a spiritual source of wisdom, "What is the truth?" If you are really open to learning about the truth, the truth will pop into your mind, and it will be much different than what you have been telling yourself.
For example, "I'm such a jerk. How could I have said that?" becomes "We all mess up at times. It's okay to make mistakes - it's part of being human. Making a mistake does not mean that you are a jerk." When we open to the truth, we will discover a kind and compassionate way of speaking to ourselves, a way that makes us feel loved and safe rather than anxious, angry or depressed.
Addictions are always challenging to resolve, and an addiction to self-judgment is no exception. So be easy on yourself, and don't judge yourself for judging yourself! It will take time and dedication to become aware of your self-judgments and learn to be kind toward yourself, but the end result is so worth the effort!
About the Author Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and "Healing Your Aloneness." She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone Sessions Available.
Addictions News
Dr. Martin Doot dies: Treated those with addictions Norridge Harwood Heights News, IL - Nov 20, 2008 As part of his work with individuals struggling with drug and alcohol addiction, Dr. Doot served as medical director of the Advocate Medical Group's ...
Economy causes more anxiety than hospital can handle Schaumburg Review, il - 3 hours ago Mental health workers also have recorded more cases of sex addictions, gambling addictions, eating disorders, alcohol abuse and prescription drug abuse. ...
Reason brings National Addictions Awareness Week to a close Western Standard- Shotgun Blog, Canada - 35 minutes ago The Western Standard marked the start of National Addictions Awareness Week on Monday with a comment from mental health and addiction expert Dr. Thomas ...
Doing battle against drugs Nor'Wester, Canada - 6 hours ago 17 as part of an Addictions Awareness Week campaign. "They know everything that you're talking about," said Cpl. Noel about her student audience. ...
Auto addictions News & Observer (registration), NC - Nov 18, 2008 The addiction of many Americans to foreign vehicles (even if they are assembled in this country) is responsible in large measure for the current ...
